


Poe Dameron nearly dies but then he doesn't (obviously)

by jocastatano



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: F/M, Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-06
Updated: 2021-01-06
Packaged: 2021-03-17 04:09:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,828
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28593765
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jocastatano/pseuds/jocastatano
Summary: After Poe Dameron nearly dies in an ambush by the First Order, you are forced to examine your feelings towards him more closely. Perhaps what you had thought was purely platonic is not so platonic after all...I'm absolutely awful at both titles and summaries, make of that what you will I guess.
Relationships: Poe Dameron/Original Female Character(s), Poe Dameron/Reader
Comments: 2
Kudos: 15





	Poe Dameron nearly dies but then he doesn't (obviously)

**Author's Note:**

> So you know how you can't go to sleep without making up scenarios with the person you're currently obsessing over? And sometimes you just have a default daydream to play out for when you can't be bothered to make up something new? Yeah, this is my one.
> 
> Also, imagining Poe Dameron calling me pet names makes me want to SCREAM so there's lots of that :)
> 
> Comments are very much appreciated!
> 
> Hope you enjoy x

Of course the mission had gone wrong - that’s what happened when they didn’t consult you before signing off. As the head of the Counter Strategy Department of the Rebel Alliance (a department consisting only of you), it was your damn _job_ to make sure that the pilots didn’t fly into situations like that.

The Black Squadron had been tasked with the repatriation of medical and artillery supplies from the abandoned rebel base on Atollon, where they had been greeted by about twenty probe droids, and not long after, a light-cruiser’s worth of TIEs. They were hopelessly outnumbered - a fact that you would have anticipated if you had been consulted.

As soon as you found out (you had been concerned that Poe hadn’t come to bother you in a while, so you had gone to find Leia who told you about the _stupid_ mission they had been sent on), you had tuned into the comms, and got to hear first hand the terror of the pilots who had been expecting a routine op.

Even though you would consider yourself friends with all of the Black Squadron, there was only really one voice you were looking for - Poe’s.

Poe was the one who had recruited you to the rebellion from Onderon, where you had unwillingly worked as an advisor to the pirates in control of much of the surface. He had always looked after you, and had quickly become your closest friend.

Poe had a certain something about him that drew you to him - maybe it was his ability to find the humour in any situation, or the way that he made an effort to actually listen to and interact with people that weren’t just famous or hailed as heroes (people like you, for example). He was the best pilot in the resistance (and he knew it all too well), but he never acted like it.

Sometimes you caught yourself imagining what could be between you and Poe, but you knew deep down that it would never happen. It was heartbreaking at times, to see him smile at you from across the room, or whisper an inside joke in your ear at a particularly boring briefing, and know that he would never see you in the light that you saw him, but you were grateful for his friendship and, after all, it was better to have him as a friend that not have him in your life at all.

Which is why you had the air knocked out of your lungs so forcefully when you heard real fear in Poe’s voice over the comms. It was rare to hear him scared, despite all of the life-threatening situations he had been in. You could barely breathe, listening to the various screams overlapping each other, helpless.

Most of them had escaped, though. Overall, the general had counted the mission a success, since Poe had been able to hold the TIEs off for long enough to load the supplies onto the larger carrier, and the Squadron had escaped with only a few casualties.

Even when you heard Poe confirm that they had safely exited hyperspace, you couldn’t beat down the anxiety forming a clot in your throat, or get your heartbeat to return to it’s normal rhythm. Poe sounded exhausted, which was a sharp contrast with his usual cocky attitude after pulling off such a risky mission.

You were one of many waiting in the hangar for the Squad to land, but you felt alone in your stress - you couldn’t seem to rid yourself of the adrenaline that had built up due to your anticipation of the worst.

They looked a bit pathetic, you thought to yourself. There were visible gaps in their docking formation, and the ships that _were_ there were charred with the residue of laser blasts, and spitting smoke from the engines. You weren’t a mechanic, but you could recognise that at least a few of the ships had lost their stabilisers by the way that they wobbled.

The ship leading the triangular formation was obviously in the worst condition, with the sheet covering of the hull hanging on by a few screws, and the eponymous ‘x’ of the guns was down to a lopsided ‘y’ shape. It was Poe’s ship.

You pushed your way through the cheering crowd, arriving at the side of the X-wing before the engines had even shut down fully.

Poe slid down the side of the ship instead of waiting for the ladders to arrive and immediately pulled you into a tight hug. You could feel his unstable breathing against your shoulder, and his hands shook as they ran through your hair.

Stars, you could stay like this forever, you thought. The tightness in your throat was beginning to dissipate with his gentle strokes up and down your back, and your heartbeat was finally beginning to slow.

‘Poe Dameron, if I wasn’t so stressed out right nowI would _murder_ you,’ you sighed against him.

‘Hey, I’m still here aren’t I?’ he tried to sound lighthearted, but the quivers in his voice gave him away.

‘Barely.’

He tried to pull out of the hug, but your arms wrapped around his waist like a vice. He settled for resting his forehead against yours, and staring into your eyes as though he could see straight through you.

‘I’m serious, Poe. You could’ve died. You need to be more careful.’

You pushed against him, wishing he could feel your sincerity through the skin on skin contact.

‘I know, sweetheart, but we needed the supplies. And we got them! We won, right?’

It was as though your short lived hug had simply fixed all of his problems - he was back to his infuriatingly chipper self. Gods, why couldn’t he see what this was doing to you?

You pushed away from him, taking a few steps back in order to put a large enough distance between you that you would have to think before falling back into his arms, as you so wished to. He was seemingly startled by the sudden loss of contact, and his face reminded you of a lost Loth-cat.

‘It’s not about winning, Poe! I nearly lost you today. Do you have any idea what was like for me? And now you’re acting like nothing happened!’

You realised that it was stupid, talking (more like yelling) about what you went through when it was Poe that had nearly died. You realised that you were completely overreacting, but for some reason couldn’t stop yourself.

You could feel the tears gathering behind your eyes and willed them back.

‘It’s my _job_ to protect your squad, which means that it’s _your_ job to consult me before you go on these damned _stupid_ missions! Anyone with half a brain could have guessed there would be probes on that base!’

Poe’s face fell - maybe he was upset at you questioning his leadership?

You had fought before, of course you had. With a personality as feisty as yours it would’ve been impossible to have such a close friendship without getting in a few spats now and then, but never like this. You had never got to a point where you were actively trying to hurt him and as such you weren’t really sure which buttons to press.

Apparently, you had succeeded though; the lost Loth-cat expression had turned into a kicked Loth-cat - his brows were furrowed and his eyes had become closed and guarded. He was avoiding your eyes, and had just opened his mouth to respond when you were interrupted.

‘Commander, sir, the General’s asked me to find you for the debriefing?’

The mechanic was young and obviously starstruck by being in the presence of the best pilot in the galaxy, and barely noticed you sniffling in an attempt to keep the tears from spilling. 

Poe seemed reluctant to leave; he waved the mechanic away silently, and reached for your hand. His usually strong grip was shaky, and it seemed like the contact was more for his benefit that yours.

‘We’re not done with this conversation. I’ll find you after.’ His controlled, measured voice sharply contrasted his physical appearance. Before you even had a chance to respond, telling him not to bother and that you were fed up of his stupid hero act or something along those lines, he strode off in the direction of the General’s meeting room.

\---

You couldn’t stop the tears once you had reached your room, and collapsed into sobs on your bed. There was no reason for you to be so angry at Poe, he hadn’t done anything wrong. It wasn’t actually his job to run potential ops by you, and there was no way of him knowing whether you’d signed off or not, so it couldn’t be that. And this wasn’t just anger at someone else displaced onto him - this was directly aimed at _him_.

Your eyes had pretty much dried themselves out now, and you lifted your head from your now soggy pillow to glance around the room. Admittedly, the base on Yavin was more homely than any other military organisation you had seen, but the small, metal panelled room had never felt like your home. Until you had met Poe - he had come over one day and helped you decorate with badly done etchings of everything from caricatures of your friends, to a marginally accurate diagram of the galaxy, to illustrations of what you wanted to do with your lives once the war was over. He was engraved all over your life, everywhere you looked.

And then you realised what had made you so angry.

You nearly lost him today.

And the more you thought about that possibility, the more it scared you. A lump formed in your chest, right in your heart, and you suddenly felt like you couldn’t breathe.

Stars, you couldn’t live without him. It was obvious now.

You were in love with your best friend. And you had quite possibly just ruined that friendship.

Yeah, maybe your eyes hadn’t quite dried out yet. The tears were back, now, stronger than ever, and it was probably another half hour before you could even bear to sit up and look at the walls that you had covered in drawings together.

Looking back on it, there was nothing you wouldn’t give to go back to that day. It was so easy to be with Poe, and the way he made you feel was… well it was perfect. You felt that he was probably the first person in your life that had truly _looked_ at you, just for the sake of it; at the time it had made you feel self-conscious, but now you could only hope that your stupidity hadn’t driven him away for good.

There were lots of days like that, with just the two of you. Sometimes he wouldn’t be able to shut up about whatever new exciting mod he had made to his x-wing, or you would prattle on about whatever battle strategy you were considering at the time, but there were also days where you could just exist in the same space, without having to say anything to know what the other was thinking.

He had taken you to see the places he had grown up - the waterfalls he had learnt to swim under and the trees he had used as target practice as a child. In return, you had rejigged both your timetables to have enough consecutive free days to take him to your homeworld of Naboo and together you had picked pointless battles you couldn’t possibly lose with the few Imperials stationed there.

You had often thought about what you would do with your life after the war ended - after all, your job didn’t really include any transferable skills for peace time. In all the many scenarios you had envisaged, though, there were none in which Poe wasn’t a large factor.

Thinking about it again now, you should have realised earlier how entirely dependent on Poe you had become, or at least considered that the daydreams you constantly had about him weren’t as platonic as you had once thought. It was strange, how your brain had accepted how you felt and incorporated it into your subconscious without you even realising.

In all of your many made up scenarios life after the war,never once had you considered the possibility of him not being there to see it.

And though it was the first, it surely wouldn’t be the last battle where you would be anything more than slightly concerned for Poe’s safety - you had a long way to go with the war as yet.

But then again, it might not be your concern anymore - the more you tried to remember exactly what had been said, the more they slipped your mind. Gods, you really were horrible to him, weren’t you? Why would he ever want to concern himself with you after this? 

The tears were pooling behind your eyes, yet again, but you had long given up on trying to resist crying.

You were just pulling your blanket around yourself to allow for optimal wallowing, when you heard Poe’s unmistakable voice outside your door.

‘Hey, I know you’re in there. Can I come in?’

You always found it funny how he would rather call through the metal door than just knock, but the thought of you having this intimate knowledge of his habits just made the pain of what you were sure he was about to say worse.

Instead of responding (you didn’t trust your voice not to crack), you got up and opened the door yourself. You probably looked pathetic to him - your face must have been blotchy and tear stained and your hair… well that didn’t bear thinking about.

Poe had looked as though he was trying to appear stoic when you first opened the door, but upon looking at you further his expression softened, and he reached out to cup your face in his hands.

The tender gesture started your tears off _again_ \- if only he knew what you were thinking. But how could you tell him? You weren’t willing to risk your friendship again.

‘Sweetheart, what’s wrong? Is this because of me?’ He was barely speaking above a whisper, as though he was scared to upset you further.

Gods, you loved him so much. But he didn’t love you back, why would he?

You let out an embarrassingly loud sob, and pulled him into your arms, letting the door shut automatically behind him. His chest was firm and reassuring against your cheek, and the feel of it rising and falling with his breathing calmed you.

You had to tell him, you realised, you wouldn’t be able to lie to him anymore now that you had put a word to your feelings.

But not yet - you could enjoy your closeness for a moment longer.

He pulled away, and studied you from arms length. He opened his mouth to say something, but you butted in before whatever he was going to say would invariably give you an excuse to not follow through with your commitment to tell him how you felt.

‘Poe, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have yelled, it wasn’t your fault.’

‘Darling you don’t need to-’

‘No, I _do_ need to.’ you entreated, holding both of his hands in yours between the two of you. ‘I- I have to tell you something, Poe.’

You took a breath to steady yourself. Gods, were you really doing this?

‘I’m in love with you, Poe.’

It hung in the air for a moment - he didn’t seem to process what you had said. You looked down at your joined hands, embarrassed. Your eyes were welling up again.

‘I’m sorry, I know that you don’t like me like that and it’s fine, I get it, I can keep my distance if you’d prefer, but I can’t lie to you any more, Poe. I was so angry with you earlier because I was kriffing _terrified_ at the thought of losing you, and then I took it out on you which isn’t fair, but I’m _so_ in love with you, Poe.’

Karabast, now you were babbling. Poe gripped your hands tighter, and you finally raised your gaze to meet his.

You were shocked to see that his eyes were glazed with unspilt tears, and you reached one hand up to caress his face.

‘Are you-’ his voice sounded choked up, and he stopped to clear his throat, shaking his head as though to focus his thoughts. ‘Are you fucking with me? Because I really don’t think I could handle that right now.’

‘I’d never fuck around with something like this, Poe. I…’ you struggled to put your feelings into words. ‘I wanna spend the rest of my life with you. Fuck the war, fuck everything else, I don’t care. I- I want to be by your side through whatever happens. I want to be able to be there for you whenever you need me. I wanna have _everything_ with you. I can’t even tell you how much I want you. And it’s not just because you’re gorgeous, even though you are, it’s because you’re so kind, and loving, and special, and you-’

You were so caught up in your emotions, you barely registered when he pulled your lips to meet his, with one hand on the back of your neck. You were too shocked to respond, even when his soft lips moved gently against yours. You could feel the heat and passion through the way that his hands moved against your skin, but the kiss itself was so delicate, you thought you would shatter where you stood.

He pulled away just as suddenly as he had started it. ‘Are you- i-is that okay, love?

You were too shocked to respond, but your hands moved of their own volition to stroke his bottom lip softly with the pad of your thumb.

Poe Dameron had just kissed you.

_Poe Dameron had just kissed you!_

Your hands continued skirting over his face lightly, coming to a stop twisted in his dark curls.

Poe spoke your name, slowly and deliberately. Somehow this seemed more intimate than the various pet names he usually referred to you by.

The sound of his saying your name pulled you out of your stupor, and without a second thought you tugged him down to meet you in another kiss. It was searingly hot this time, both of you pushing against each other in an attempt to get even closer.

He backed you up until you were pushed against the wall, tugging at your hair as you moved together.

You were reluctant to part from him, but unfortunately your human lungs demanded air. Both you and Poe broke the kiss simultaneously, and you couldn’t help but laugh softly. Why had you waited so long to tell him if this is what you could have been doing?

Poe was staring at you, presumably as speechless as you had been rendered by the kiss. Your foreheads rested against each other, and you could feel his breath fanning across your face.

‘You love me.’ He sounded as though he still didn’t quite believe it, his eyes searching your face for an answer to something that he hadn’t said as a question.

‘I love you.’

‘Sweetheart, I- are you sure?’ For someone so cocky in the pilot seat of an x-wing he sounded almost comically unsure of himself.

You delicately placed a kiss on the tip of his nose, then each of his closed eyelids in turn. He was so perfect like this, pressed up warm against you and soft in your hands.

‘This is the most sure of anything I’ve ever been in my life.’

The kiss you shared then was even more gentle than the first, which you hadn’t thought would be possible. Your lips barely touched, but ghosted over each other, leaving you craving more, but at the same time wishing every touch you shared with Poe could be as soft. 

You were hyper aware that he hadn’t expressly told you whether or not your feelings were reciprocated, but he had never been particularly vocal about his feelings in any situation. Instead, he had always found other ways to show you how he was feeling - right now he was saying ‘I love you’ in the way that he oh-so-carefully grazed his fingertips over your body, and the way that he was looking so intently into your eyes.

Your heart felt so full of warmth you could imagine it bursting out of your chest.

‘I love you Poe,’ It was as though now you had finally allowed yourself to admit it out loud to him, you were unable to stop. ‘I love you, I love you, I love you.’

He laughed lightly, kissing you lightly again. He opened his mouth as though he were going to say something, but seemed unable to form the words.

‘I- darling, you already know how I feel about you.’ His brow was furrowed as he looked at you now, worried that you wouldn’t understand his meaning.

‘You love me. Right?’ The words felt alien in your mouth in this context. After so long as just friends, you still found it hard to believe.

‘You mean I haven’t convinced you yet?’ he asked, teasingly. ‘What more can I do?’

‘You could tell me?’ You had never really been bothered about his inability to express his emotions in words, and truth be told you weren’t really bothered now. More than anything, you wanted to see how far he would be willing to go for you, which would be more telling than whatever words he uttered.

He raised an eyebrow and smirked at you, almost making you think he could hear your thoughts challenging him.

‘Darling, I absolutely adore you.’ He was trying to play off his discomfort as though you wouldn’t notice, but he had underestimated your desire to make him squirm.

‘That’s cheating. You said that last week - it doesn’t mean the same thing.’ That was a lie - you could tell by his expression that he did mean it in the way you wanted, but you weren’t willing to let up yet. ‘I. Love. You. See? It’s not that hard.’ You tried your best to maintain a straight face, but the laughter was threatening to spill out.

‘Okay, okay.’ He raised his hands in a gesture of surrender. He spoke your name again, apparently determined to try to make it extra special if you were really going to force him to say out loud something that you both already knew.

‘I love you.’

Even though it did sound a bit forced, you knew it had nothing to do with the meaning of the words. You still couldn’t quite believe how incredibly lucky you were, and drew him in for another kiss.

‘I love you, Poe Dameron,’ you repeated, for what felt like the millionth time.

‘I know, darling.’


End file.
